You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
