youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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