Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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