You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
