Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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