Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
