dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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