One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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