Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
