Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
