I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
