Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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