the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
