This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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