@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
