are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
