Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am available for nakedness
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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