Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
