When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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