Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
accomplished twins. life is a go
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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