College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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