At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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