That's when you crack a 10am beer
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
