She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
