i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
