how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
