he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
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My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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