Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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