I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
