Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
