Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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