Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
