haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
