Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
