Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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