I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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