so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
