i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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