I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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