your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
