he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
