i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
