How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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