I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
