I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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