I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
