Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
