remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
