I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
