I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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