he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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