I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
