I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
