nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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