make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
