Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
