Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
