The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
