If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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