I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i want to swaddle you in tequila
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
