Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
